Are we there yet? Have we arrived at Super Tuesday yet? How much further?

Can you hear the collective voice of America asking this very important question?

Do you have presidential anxiety? Is it near epidemic proportions? No matter who you are voting for, both sides are now in pre-election dementia.

Each party represents varying views of government: what the government can do for you or government get your hands out of my pocket. Simply, two ideals are clashing and the decision made on November 4th will determine a major step towards either an obese government or a government on Jenny Craig.

There are “dummies” books for everything and if I were to check, probably one for writing columns. “Politics for Dummies” would simplify all the rhetoric, explain the financial plans in an easy to understand language, and paint a picture of the world if each candidate were to win.

This vote is not a simple black or white decision — although some voters will actually vote because of the color of a man’s skin, either for or against. Personally, I only worry about the color of my skin, and the color of my hair… but I digress.

What makes us vote the way we do? Must we relate? Is that enough reason? If so, then I would have to vote for Sarah because she is a woman, mid forties, a former high school basketball player, a journalist, has loads of kids, hunts and fishes, has dark roots, and is a member of the PTA. (She is Me, only better looking!)

Or should I vote on my intellect, or theirs perhaps? How good looking are they? How well do they speak? What is their tax plan, views on abortion rights or what astrological sign were they born under? Some voters put deep and devout study into their decision; others just go with the flow. What makes them pull the lever; press the button or punch the chad?

Do we relate to the every day people who have become famous such as “Joe the Plummer.” He just asked a political question and fifteen minutes later… we all know what type of underwear he prefers! Well, just call me “Tracy the Writer “because I have a few questions of my own for both Obama and McCain! Oh, never mind! I would prefer not to have my history or my taxes scrutinized. Just in case I didn’t cross any T’s or dot any I’s!

Hey, but I am part of the media and I should be able to spout my neutralisms without fear of finger pointing, spin or audits!

In media politics today, a split screen will divide two diverse opinions who then duke it out on air. Wouldn’t it be more fun to throw the talking experts in a ring of jello and let them really fight it out, you know Rush Limbaugh could take on James Carvel and, in the celebrity world, Chuck Norris could fight Madonna (watch out for those arms Chuck!)

These days I feel like we are all on “Survivor” and are in the process of voting people off the island. Can we vote off pundits and whichever “View Lady” we disagree with?

Whatever your reason for voting you may still be undecided and all I ask is WHY? Can’t you make a decision? Are you one of those people when asked where you want to eat, you can’t make up your mind? Yet, if someone suggests a place, you are quite sure you don’t want to eat there!

If you listen to the candidates they make it sound like they are the solution to the horrible conditions we find ourselves in. Hmm. I am depressed my garage doesn’t house a beamer and my closet needs more clothes. Am I really suffering?

David Letterman supposedly wrote the following words in an email floating around, “This Newsweek poll alleges that 67 percent of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed. So I started thinking, ‘What are we so unhappy about?’”

Letterman continues, “Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, seven days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4 percent of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year? Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help? … all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers?

“Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S., yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don’t have, and what we hate about the country, instead of thanking the good Lord we live here.”

Dave goes on to blame our discontentment on the media.

Do we really want change? Sure we may have lost some points on the market? Some bank accounts shrunk? Some folks have to rent instead of own? But with a quick view of the world at the savage violence, families scrambling to pay for a cup of rice with a week’s earnings, and people blowing up people, “me thinks we got it pretty good!”

Maybe instead of changing what is fixed, we just improve and tweak a few areas of what we have. I like the United States and to me politics is for dummies.

We must make a choice between two men who promise the moon but do we really believe they can actually lasso it and bring it down to earth? I guess I will have to go on judgment, character and track records or maybe the first one who brings me flowers and chocolate!

Tracy Williams is a guest columnist and can be reached at myhometown@comcast.net