PICAYUNE — In recent years I fell in love with gospel music. I had been raised on , but due to some life trauma’s I had fallen away from its beauty. Many times when I have been in hard places the Gaither’s and other gospel singers refueled my spiritual fire.

Guy Penrod, was one of the men that I had watched in awe of for years had held my interest. There was something about this man. I’d watch him cry as he raised his arms to Jesus and sang. He had a light in his eyes I didn’t understand. I had a new born relationship with Jesus, but Guy had something I hadn’t touched on and I wanted it! 

My spiritual trip has mirrored the me from my childhood in that when I wanted something I would aggressively go after it. Pity anybody that tried to stop this! I was somewhat akin to forces of nature, and anybody who got in my path was blown away by this tornado.

I remember the event that was the cornerstone that personality trait was built upon. I wasn’t even ten, and one day at my grandparent’s someone dared the gangly blond haired menace to go grab the horse’s tail. So I did. I grabbed hold of that horse’s tail like my life depended on it. The horse was not happy about this, and it tried to spin the blonde girl off. It didn’t know what everybody else had learned. It wasn’t possible!

Around and around it went till the horse realized after many spins; she ain’t letting go. The horse came to a stop. Horse defeated I won! My cousins owed me money because they had bet I couldn’t hold on. They didn’t know what they were dealing with in this force of nature, but they sure learned over the rest of my childhood. They are now believers!

In adulthood that trait of holding on to the horse’s tail in situations caused me many tears and pain. The inability to let go of something when it was not in my best interest and almost destroyed me at one point. Then God took this very trait and used it to teach me how not to live. I had to learn to let go with ease when it was time for a situation or character trait to be over no matter what it looked like or how it worked out. This was what was called trust.

As God taught me, I became very attached to him. When he said, “Who’s your daddy?”

 I said, “Nobody— but you!”

From transformation to transformation I grew and changed. But I still felt annoyed that Guy Penrod seemed to have something I didn’t. I was spiritually jealous.

So I grabbed me another horse’s tail. This time it was leaning about Jesus so as to have more of God’s love and favor. I told God I wanted to know his son Jesus. I wanted to understand why people had that look in their eyes when they said his name. He asked me how much of Jesus I wanted, and just like I had once told God about knowledge of himself to which I immediately said, “ALL!”

Even though I was nervous I began to ask the Jesus Dude as I called him to come closer. He did. A little at a time as my mind could handle the transforming, he walked in and took my hand. My knees were shaking yet, I wanted more. My perception of who he was had not cleared so I could know truth.

Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.”

Jesus and I now became up close and personal. We walked, we talked and then we started loving. I was amazed! The indescribable sweetness that now filtered through my veins, my eyes, my heart, no man could hold a candle, too. Yet, because of this love affair with Jesus I now understood how to love all in my life on deeper levels. I was transformed as years of bondage, guilt and shame fell off. Shackles were gone; the prisoner was released!

2 Corinthians 5:17 "Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: Old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new."

The heart that had lived so closed and broken in so many ways was now mounted up on eagles wings and she flew. My life changed and everyday I woke and asked Jesus to order my steps. I knew he wouldn’t lead me wrong, and that the path he would take me on would transform my life and let me use my healing to serve others.

I wrote Guy Penrod a letter. I owed this man who had led me to Jesus! As a brother in Christ he needed to know his faith had helped lead a broken woman to Jesus’s arms. I had always desired a brother in my life, and God gave me Guy. I thanked him for his love for Jesus, and told him that light in his eyes had helped me hold onto the right thing for once in my life.  

Chasing horse’s tails were over unless it was something God said go after, and just like in other times if he told me to do it no man had the power to stop this! I used it to go after my life, my career and all that mattered I was now a one woman force of nature.

I had life back and nothing else has dominion over me but God. I found as I let my wholeness sink in I could go after the right things which was whatever God’s will for me just as aggressively as I once had those other things.

As I end this story I give the personal credit for this story to the Holy Spirit. He was so helpful in first deciding which piece to put in the paper then in bringing my story to life. I hope we have achieved the higher purpose for you so you know that no matter where you are in your life there is hope.

Psalm 33:22 “May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you.”